i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
