Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
