You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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