I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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