I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
