O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
