Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
