my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
