Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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