i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
