I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
