so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
