summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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