Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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