If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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