I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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