She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
