He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
