I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
