11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
