That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
