i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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