I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
