In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
