I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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