This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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