Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
