I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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