i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
