I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
