You smell like stripper and shame
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
