Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
