dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
