I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
50% drunk capacity currently
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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