I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
