okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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