omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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