from now on my penis is your penis
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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