Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
