Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
