plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
