This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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