No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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