My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
