Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
