how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
