dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
