I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
