What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
