As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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