I got chris browned last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
