I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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