u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
